POSTMODERNISM: POLICY AND PROCEDURE

POLICY

The Company prohibits postmodern speech, books, video, photographs, art, and tendencies whether genuine or ironic. Postmodern conduct may result in disciplinary action up to and including discharge. This policy covers all employees and those who might be interpreted as employees. Meta-participation in these activities, whether individual or systemic, is prohibited.

Postmodern conduct not performed on behalf of the Company and not on company property is also prohibited; Geographic space yields to ideological space in all cases. In all cases, employees are reminded that the break room refrigerator is only Classical or Modernist.

In particular, the following are prohibited:

• Moral relativism (particularly regarding the break room refrigerator policy)
• Irony [see note 1]
• Unlicensed antiheroes
• Post-structuralism
• Deconstruction without approval of Construction Department
• Mention of Michel Foucault in Benefits Office or Health Center
• Reading this document aloud
• Signs pointing to any postmodern reference [note 2]
• Things referring to other things
• Critique of the Company's definition of postmodernism
• Jeans

PROCEDURE

A report of postmodern conduct will result in a 90 day period of probation, during which the Employee may not refer to things. On successful completion of this probation the Employee will again be modern.

A second report of postmodernism will exist but in no way refer to or reflect the first report. The Employee will be suspended without pay for one week and be required to read and write a book report on one book by Christopher Hitchens.

A third report of postmodernism, or any serious report, will result in immediate termination. The Employee will not occupy any significant space in relation to severance pay.

NOTES

[1] Irony may be used in a basic form by Director level managers and above for belittling of employees at HR discretion

[2] This is not a sign or a reference to a sign